Learning to Daydream Again
Well it’s been yet another crazy year – full of doubts, frustrations, and Covid-related chaos. And it’s been a full year since I wrote a post. Which just shows how much my life has changed.
Don’t get me wrong, there has been some good points to the year, I had some amazing times with friends and family, and had a couple of wonderful relationships, met some new amazing people, and even managed to explore some beautiful new places. But it’s felt like recently something has been missing. Namely my writing.
When the pandemic hit, and the country went into lockdown, I thought I would have plenty of time to get some personal projects finished, and get my books written.
But it seems everyone else had the same idea – and since I’m book cover designer, the work coming in didn’t give me chance to get my own novels completed.
When I worked for a company (and the same for college and uni), I didn’t drive – and my two hour bus journey allowed me sit with my music on my headphones, and daydream. I’d eagerly wait lunchtime so I could frantically write down what I’d plotted down that morning. I felt full of excitement and love for my craft, tapping out chapter after chapter with ease. the Tapestry of Fates series, bits of Phoenix, and Fallen Tears were mapped out this way. I felt I could churn out loads quickly.
But since working for myself, the time between writing my own things gets more sparse. In the back of my mind I feel I should really be doing client work as much as possible, getting the pennies in, and building my business up. Even my awesome friends at Grimbold Books saw this and PAID a week off for me to get my own writing done! And I did, with absolute gratitude. But as soon as the week was over I fell back into solely client work. Recently I’ve felt that if I don’t get on top of this and allow myself some time to work on these pieces that I’ll lose it all forever. The ideas and plots still in my mind are getting dustier the more time goes on. I’m forgetting the characters in my books – and it takes a lot to read back and find their motivations.
Also I’m into my forties now! Time isn’t quite on my side as I used to think. In my twenties it felt like I had so long to accomplish everything I wanted to. But those years flew so fast I’m scared the next twenty will go even quicker!
So last Sunday I had a massive life audit. I wrote down literally everything about my life – what serves me, what doesn’t. What isn’t working, what exactly I need, and want, and rewrote it all. Stripping back my mindset and beliefs felt quite liberating, and it felt good reprogramming myself.
I’m blocking off time to get own work done, and actually to daydream again!
Next year I’ve got a mini bucket list of things I want to do, and I’m making another with my brother (from another mother). I’m gonna be stricter with my time and get my projects finished. I want to leave an imprint on the world and I feel these are it.
And now the world (fingers crossed) is going to continue to open up, I feel now is the perfect time not to waste time!
As the amazing Wayne Dyer once said “Don’t die, with the music still inside you.”
To anyone still reading this, I wish you all the best for 2022, and truly hope you accomplish all you want in life too.
Much love 🙂 x
kennydreadful 